Episode S02E09: REVERSE Part I

A new member of the crew appears, Twang. A magnificent guitarist, now living behind the settee in the podcast studio.

Mr b, of course, has another experiment on the go, this time trying to attract sponsorship of the podcast by using ‘a mix of pertinent aromas’.

Queen Eleanor is exasperated. She talks about annexing the best parts of St Albans, not sure which bits she means.

Golly, I think there are ‘dark things’ on the Jelly Trumpet horizon. O’ and why do the boys keep talking about Yamaha? Could this be a lame attempt at gaining some freebies?

You can listen to the sample on this page or popover to your streaming platform of choice and search for ‘Jelly Trumpet’.

Dive in for silly, surreal and odd interludes, o’ and some great music from the house band ‘We Paint Houses.’

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Stuff We’ll Hear in this Episode:

  • A distant scream
  • Just how silent is cMac (the ultimate gizmo) in silent mode?
  • The identity of the man in the wheelbarrow
  • A new character, you’ll recognise him though

The 9 Trumpets of Creativity

Our fifth Trumpet of Creativity is ‘Reverse’.

A reverse is when you begin a joke or story in a way that leads the audience down one line of thinking, only to end it with an unexpected twist that undermines, distorts, or contradicts the original setup.

Check out ‘The 9 Trumpets of Creativity’ page (download a PDF, if you like).

In short, in this episode:

00:00 The 9 Trumpets of Creativity
00:00 Challenge at Home
00:00 Micro Sitcom: The Start Up, Mary ‘The Entrepreneur’ in ‘Marks & Amazon Part I’
00:00 Creative Rituals

00:00 Ends

Thank you for reading and if you would like some more info or have some questions drop us a line, details on our Contact Us page.

Useful Stuff from This Episode:

Support Jelly Trumpet on Patreon:
[Exclusive stuff from Jelly Trumpet]

Our Sponsor:
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The Band:
We Paint Houses

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We’re a podcast all about creativity. Every episode is aimed at stimulating your imagination and making you laugh with silly, surreal bits & bobs.

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Read the Script

Season 2 Episode 09 – Reverse Part I

RIFF 1

S/FX: FADE IN

MR B:
About my new button Jim.

JIM:
Not now Mr b. We’ve been through this.

MR B:
OK. Later?

JIM:
Yes. Later this episode. I promise. What have you got there?

MR B:
It’s a guitar string.

JIM:
What are you doing with a guitar string?

MR B:
It’s for Twang.

JIM:
Then can we start the podcast? Twang?

MR B:
We call him Twang. His real name is Spencer, or Spen’.

ELEANOR:
When can we expect to land in Aquitaine? I have a province to rule. If I don’t get one, I shall annex the northern parts of St Albans.

JIM:
Yes, your majesty.

MR B:
Your majesty, I am working on the co-ordinates and I can promise you Queen Eleanor, that soon you’ll be ruling the Aquitaine like a good ‘un.

JIM:
Why have you thrown the guitar string behind the settee?

MR B:
That’s where Twang is currently living.

JIM:
I see. And JB, the singer. Is he still in the cupboard under your mixing desk?

S/FX: SQUEAKY CUPBOARD DOOR OPENING

MR B:
JB. JB!

JB:
SINGS A LINE OF A SONG

MR B:
Here you go JB. Your favourite dessert. Ras Malai.

JIM:
Ras Mali Mr b?

MR B:
Yes. It’s one of JB’s favourite milk-based dishes. Dumplings made from ricotta cheese and soaked in sweet thickened milk, with lashings of cardamom.

ELEANOR:
I mean it! I’m annexing St Albans!

S/FX: A FEW NOTES ON AN OBOE

JIM:
Nigel! You and your pink oboe.

S/FX: A FEW MORE NOTES FROM AN OBOE

MR B:
Wonder where he got the oboe?

JIM:
I wonder how a giant St Bernard-sized squirrel learnt to play the oboe?

MR B:
Yes. Well, stranger things have happened on other podcasts.

JIM:
Like what?

MR B:
True crime Mr Jim. Lots of strange things are reported on True Crime podcasts. The mysterious disappearance of Morrison’s shopping trollies, the mysterious scratched car, the mysterious cat in the sink, when you don’t own a cat.

S/FX: SPEN’ PLAYS A RIFF

JIM:
He’s quite tall your Spen’. Love the moustache. Looks like he popped out of a John Everett Millais painting.

MR B:
Not now Spen’ eh? We’re going to start the podcast.

JIM:
You’ll like this episode Mr b.

MR B:
Are you sure? I mean. I like your writing but the last episode we had to outrun an exploding volcano, then that posh pirate who put us in chains… and a tall girl chased us with a shiny axe.

S/FX: SPEN’ PLAYS ANOTHER FAVOURITE RIFF

JIM:
I told you I didn’t write that bit. That was when Jelly Trumpet became self-aware.

MR B:
That old chestnut. Had you been drinking when writing the third draft…again?

ELEANOR:
Quel homme magnifique!

JIM:
Yes Spen is magnificent your majesty, a most glorious example of maleness. No, you can’t annex him.

ELEANOR:
Merde! I’m still annexing the town of St Albans…for the Aquitaine!

JIM:
We’d rather you didn’t. We can visit the Farmer’s Market later, buy some Andouillette, you know chitterlings, you’d like that.

MR B:
Why does her majesty dwell on sausages?

ELEANOR:
They are satisfying.

S/FX: SOUND OF A SQUIRREL CHIRPING

S/FX: SPEN’ PLAYS THE RIFF AGAIN

JIM:
Even Nigel likes Spen’.

MR B:
Yes. Spen is popular with all mammals and some reptiles.

JIM:
Well, if you wouldn’t mind pressing a button or two Mr b…What’s that smell?

S/FX: SOUND OF OBOE

MR B:
An experiment. I want to see if I can attract sponsorship for the podcast by using a mix of pertinent aromas.

JIM:
With…with the scent of musk, [SNIFFING] hot chocolate and [SNIFFING] is that cherry blossom with a hint of hot oil and electricity?

MR B:
Yes. I’m trying to attract the Yamaha Corporation of the UK and Ireland.

JIM:
Motorbikes? Like an MT-10 SP [OVER THE TOP] ‘Speed of Darkness?’

MR B:
Well, no. Musical stuff. I need a new bass guitar, a BBPH.

ELEANOR:
Merde!

MR B:
Pushing the, er…the green button…

JIM:
Wait! One question. Is there a reason Mr b that you have a rock guitarist living behind the settee in the studio?

MR B:
Do we need a reason Mr Jim?

JIM:
No.

MR B:
I’ll press the start button.

ELEANOR:
SPENNY! Co eee!

S/FX: BUTTON BEING PUSHED

S/FX: JELLY TRUMPET JINGLE

TRAILER

TONY:
Welcome to Jelly Trumpet. The world’s only comedy podcast about creativity.

Jelly Trumpet makes you more creative with tips, tricks and ideas for expanding your imagination. Especially good for business people wanting to be creative online!

In this episode:

• A checklist for being more creative called ‘The Nine Trumpets of Creativity’, our seventh Trumpet is: ‘Reverse’.

• Challenge at Home. A creative exercise for you to try at home

• Challenge Jim, where Mr b challenges Jim with an exercise in creativity

Plus

• A brand-new micro sitcom called ‘The Start up’ with our hero Mary ‘The Entrepreneur’ starring in an episode titled: ‘Marks & Amazon, Part 1. Part 2 later.

AND

• Our very special guest is Xxxx Xxxxx will take part in ‘Interview Countdown, 12 questions in 12 minutes!

[SOTTO VOCE] I had that dream again. Sharon.

S/FX: JELLLY TRUMPET JINGLE

9 TRUMPETS OF CREATIVITY

JIM:
This season on Jelly Trumpet we’re talking about the ‘9 Trumpets of Creativity’.

It’s a list of nine ways of being more creative. In our last episode we talked about the joy of rearranging ideas.

This episode: Trumpet 7, ‘Reverse.’

Download the PDF of all ‘9 Trumpets of Creativity’ from the Jelly Trumpet website.

This list of creative tools is rearranged from Osbourne’s Checklist also known as SCAMPER.

If you’ve listened to the first season of Jelly Trumpet, you’ll remember we talked a lot about keeping a journal of how you worked on each creative project. We called the journal ‘Your Medicine’. The idea is you build up your own toolkit of ideas, the journal becoming your creative self-coach.

So, here we go with No. 7 in our ‘9 Trumpets of Creativity’.

Reverse
A reverse is when you begin a joke or story in a way that leads the audience down one line of thinking, only to end it with an unexpected twist that undermines, distorts, or contradicts the original setup.

I’ve always thought of it as being led up the garden path. Which had a whole different meaning in Victorian times. Do research that, er adult connection.

A typical reverse in comedy is like an Emo Philips joke:

I’m not going to attempt his voice.

“When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, ‘Emo, don’t go near the cellar door!’ One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like… trees, grass, flowers, the sun… that was nice…”

Or Steve Martin:

And again I’m not going to attempt the voice.

“I gave my cat a bath the other day, they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…”

You could live a life in reverse like ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ or you can start at the end. A movie like ‘The Lavender Hill Mob’ and get a payoff you weren’t expecting.

Tarantino often starts a movie near enough in reverse and then breaks in new threads of plots. Are they happening in sync or different times?

The Takeaway:
What can you reverse in your work? If you’re selling something you can start with the result or benefits or the loyal evangelistic customer.

Not sure how you would apply this as a painter or potter though. Only a visual artist would know where to start with that one. Is it even possible?

S/FX: INTERLUDE MUSIC

RIFF 2

S/FX: BURST OF THE JELLY TRUMPET THEME

S/FX: SLOW CHURCH ORGAN MUSIC THAT FADED INTO:

S/FX: A WOODEN SIGN CREAKING GENTLY IN THE WIND

JIM:
Mr b. Are you super sure you have a) pressed the correct button for The Aquitaine b) o’ I don’t appear to have written a ‘b’.

MR B:
‘A.’ Mr Jim. ‘A’ for the Aquitaine.

JIM:
Excellent. Well, I’ll miss her majesty.

MR B:
Me too. It looks a bit dark out there. Shall we wait till dawn and escort the queen to Chateau des Rudel.

JIM:
Chateau des Rudel?

MR B:
Her castle. [SHOWING OFF] I’ve been researching you see.

JIM:
[SHOWING OFF] I believe her first husband, Louis VII, once invaded Champagne and inadvertently burnt down a church. Curious about that ‘inadvertent’ bit. I’d say that was a crime. Have you ever experienced true crime Mr b?

MR B:
Well, there was that time I accidentally heard Steps singing Tragedy. You Mr Jim?

JIM:
I’ve been lucky Mr b. The odd crime has come my way. That time I was trapped in a lift with an accountant explaining pensions and loans. I claimed diplomatic immunity on behalf of Samoa. Then there was the time I wore double denim to a rave. But really, we’ve had a safe and sane life.

ELEANOR:
I shall knight you, mon beau chevalier Spencer.

JIM:
Gawd! She really is keen on Spen’.

S/FX: CREAKING SIGN IN THE WIND

MR B:
And he’s also a graphic designer.

JIM:
[SARCASTIC] I’m sure that would come in handy. You know, Spen’ can knock her out a quick brochure ‘When podcasts go rogue’ or ‘101 Uses of a Medieval Queen’ or ‘Have Podcast Will Travel Randomly to Places I Didn’t Want to go to…’

S/FX: A DOOR OPENING AND A SUDDEN RUSH OF WIND

ELEANOR:
I feel a draught.

JIM:
Yes, your majesty. Better take you back to the Aquitaine We don’t want you annexing St Albans, putting Pilates teachers on trial, banning copies of the Guardian and instigating a civil war with Watford, again.

MR B:
No. We don’t want that. It has got a bit nippy.

S/FX: THE CHILLING SCREAM OF A WOMAN

MR B:
Golly! She really likes Spen’ a lot.

JIM:
I don’t think that was Eleanor.

MR B:
What makes you think that?

JIM:
Her lips didn’t move.

MR B:
Perhaps she can scream without her lips…

JIM:
She’s very talented Mr b but she’s not a Labrador-ing ventriloquist!

S/FX: SOUND OF A SCREAM FURTHER AWAY

MR B:
Perhaps it’s the podcast throttle cable. I mean it’s from Taiwan, so hard to get parts…

JIM:
No Mr b. That scream definitely came from outside the podcast.

ELEANOR:
Mr b. Look at the dials on your desk.

MR B:
O’ No!

JIM:
What is it Mr b?

MR B:
The dials are all in the…dark zone…

ELEANOR:
What does that mean petits pieds?

JIM:
Mr b?

MR B:
It…it…it was an experiment from 1999. I wanted…to see…if I could harness the power of music to make Guardian readers happy.

TONY:
O’ NO!

JIM:
Did it work…Silly question. That doesn’t explain the…

ELEANOR:
…dark zone.

S/FX: A MAN SCREAMS IN THE DISTANCE

MR B:
Things happened. Dark things. Things that should never see the light of day.

JIM:
Like double denim?

MR B:
Worse Mr Jim. A story. A mystery. Men and women disappeared…

[TWO BEATS]

S/FX: A WOLF HOWLS

JIM:
That. That’s. it’s a…

ELEANOR:
Louve.

[TWO BEATS]

S/FX: OBOE MUSIC

JIM:
Not now Nigel. Run along and see if Spen’ wants to play a duet.

ELELANOR:
I used to hunt louves…wolves.

JIM:
Not sure I want to leave the podcast Mr b. It’s still very dark out there and, the err…

MR B:
The screams are off-putting. Like Borehamwood on a Friday night.

JIM:
Yes, only less wolves.

WOMAN’S VOICE:
[DISTANT] Help.

MAN’S VOICE:
[DISTANT] Help us!

MR B:
I can press the green button and get the podcast back to, erm, where we came from.

JIM:
Yes. Let’s do that.

ELEANOR:
And leave them?

JIM:
We don’t know who they are.

MR B:
True Mr Jim.

JIM:
You know something? I wrote a couple of jolly scenes, at this point, for the podcast. You, me, the Queen, Nigel and Spen’ we eat cake…and watch Netflix.

ELEANOR:
It is devilry!

JIM:
No, your majesty. It’s Netflix. I think that something is slowly taking over the podcast…

ELEANOR:
Come Nigel! We ride!

MR B:
Press the button Jim?

JIM:
Well…

MR B:
Or stay and help?

JIM:
Well, we should…do… do the right thing. Press the button!

MR B:
OK.

S/FX; SOUND OF AN AIRLOCK OPENING

ELEANOR:
Recherche Nigel.

JIM:
She’s gone! Alone! Into the dark.

MR B:
What do we do?

JIM:
We follow [TWO BEATS] Better bring cMac.

MR B:
Setting cMac to auto-pilot and Americanos.

JIM:
Wonderful gizmo that coffee machine Mr b. Does everything AND makes good coffee.

S/FX: TANK TRACKS.

MR B:
Setting cMac to run tape!

JIM:
FOR ALL MANKIND!

S/FX: BUTTON BEING PRESSED

S/FX: SOUND OF WIND RUSTLING TREE BRANCHES

S/FX: CLICK, CLICK, CLICK

TONY:
Challenge at home!

CHALLENGE AT HOME

JIM:
How can you reverse what you do? You can’t write or paint, backwards can you? Well, the reverse isn’t always about literally reversing a creative project. It’s more about blind-siding the consumer, the follower, the reader or the viewer.

Surprise would be another way of saying reverse. When you write and you don’t know what is going to happen next you can make life easy for yourself by asking ‘What would naturally follow?’

There, you have your compass bearing and you write what naturally happens.

There’s a writing technique, sometimes used for tv or film called ‘the beat sheet’. Instead of trying to be funny or even to surprise, you write out what happens as a description line by line for the whole piece. For example, ‘The car stopped at the bus stop. The man got out. He walks to a shop. He disappears for two minutes. He walks back to the car.

Write out a beat sheet for your project. Mark up the expected actions. Now at what point can you add a reverse, the surprise for the reader, viewer or follower? John Cleese used a similar technique when writing ‘Fawlty Towers’ with Connie Booth. Only they used a roll of wallpaper. They would write up what naturally followed. Then they would work logically on ‘what could go wrong?’

The Takeaway:
Use the expected to build-in reverses. Not for the sake of the reverse but to take your work on unexpected, surprising turns.

Do let us know what you came up with. Email us, jelly@jellytrumpet.com or leave a post on our social feeds.

RIFF 3

S/FX: BURST OF ORGAN MUSIC

S/FX: A WHIRLING SOUND LIKE TANK TRACKS

JIM:
[WHISPERING] That’s a very dark house Mr b.

ELEANOR:
[WHISPERING] Nigel arête!

MR B:
[WHISPERING] I’d say early Victorian, bit gothic, turrets, dormers, the wide wrap-around porches and spindle work. Appears to be lit by candles.

JIM:
[WHISPERING] I’d have written ‘old dark house’ but I appreciate your architectural knowledge.

MR B:
[WHISPERING] Shall I send cMac in? I’ve fitted him with infrared cameras and I can set him to silent mode.

JIM:
[WHISPERING] Silent mode?

MR B:
[WHISPERING] Well, he switches off the milk frother. So, we’ll only be able to have black coffee. I know it’s a sacrifice but there’s only so much you can convert on a coffee machine.

JIM:
[WHISPERING] How’s cMac going to get through the door silently?

MR B:
[WHISPERING] I’ve primed him to enter silently but politely.

S/FX: A HINT OF TANK TRACKS

JIM:
[WHISPERING] Politely?

MR B:
[WHISPERING] You know ring the…

S/FX: LOUD TOLLING OF A BELL

MR B:
[Cont.] O’.

JIM:
So much for silent mode.

S/FX: A HEAVY DOOR SQUEAKING OPEN

ELEANOR:
What is that smell?

JIM:
Well, it’s not hope.

MR B:
Could be Sage.

JIM:
Sage?

MR B:
Yes. Burning Sage, sometimes called ‘smudging’ is a ritual for cleansing a space. Often used after a traumatic incident.

JIM:
Erm. OK. Well. We’d better go in.

S/FX: FOOTSTEPS ON A TILED FLOOR

MR B:
This space reminds me of the Natural History Museum.

JIM:
Reminds me of my last standup gig.

ELEANOR:
Candle-lit?

JIM:
Empty.

MR B:
Let’s try that door. I can see a peep of light.

JIM:
I bet the door creaks.

MR B:
I bet it doesn’t creak.

S/FX: FOOTSTEPS ON A TILED FLOOR. A DOOR HANDLE BEING TURNED

JIM:
You were right Mr b. No creaking.

S/FX: CREAKING

JIM:
O’ it does creak.

MR B:
No. That was my knees.

JIM:
Fish oil. You need fish oil.

MR B:
What?

JIM:
Fish oil is very good for the joints. [TWO BEATS] Before we go into the scary room. [TWO BEATS] Should we do something about the body in that wheelbarrow?

MR B:
What?

JIM:
Or we could have an interlude and come back to that body in the wheelbarrow.

MR B:
An interlude would work at this point. Very well. cMac run the micro sitcom.

S/FX: THE STARTUP THEME TUNE

THE START UP: THE ENTREPRENEUR IN MARKS & AMAZON
PART 1

TONY:
The Start up! A micro sitcom.

Meet Mary ‘The Entrepreneur’ having a meeting with the most powerful online and high street selling platform, Marks & Amazon..

We join Mary, The Entrepreneur on a busy street answering her phone.

S/FX: IPHONE RINGING TONE

MARY:
Good morning to you ‘HM Revenue & Customs’…You know why I call you that Bev. Because Bev’ you spend all your money at H&M and customise your outfits with Prosecco [MARY LAUGHS SOFTLY]. No…I can’t…No Bev’…I can’t…Because I’m just outside the Marks & Amazon office…It’s a meeting…I told you…I’m going to sell my makeup brand through their website…Yes ‘BabyMaker’…Makeup for babies, add extra cuteness, hide the dribbles.

Alright I’ll come over after the meeting…With you about ten…Yes, with Prosecco…Yes chilled…Yes, just in time for elevenses.

S/FX: KNOCKING ON DOOR

HANS
We’ve been expecting you for the last seventeen seconds.

MARY:
Sorry. I was on the ph…

HANS:
Take the seat. This is Mr Fowler from merchandising. This is Ms Baum from our pricing battalion.

S/FX: IPHONE TONE FOR A MESSAGE

MARY:
Well this is…

HANS:
You will, please set your phone to silent. First a short presentation.

S/FX: SOUND OF A CLICKER

MARY:
‘I see, well…

HANS:
Our platform will sell your ‘BabyMaker’ baby makeup, ‘extra cuteness, hide the dribbles’ range. We will take 68%.

MARY:
Now hang on…

HANS:
Marks & Amazon is the largest selling platform and shop chain in the UK. We will be launching our new delivery service shortly. The new delivery service is code named, Beamo.

MARY:
Beamo? What does…

HANS:
Patience Mary. Patience.

MARY:
68%? Beamo? What…

HANS:
You will also supply co-operative funding for the adverts and e-mailings. This is set at eighteen hundred pounds per quarter. As for fees, we charge twenty-seven pence per item on our fulfilled by M&A programme.

Late deliveries, running out of stock, less than favourable reviews will be dealt with at our…discretion.

O’ yes and you will discount by 15% on our special ‘Principal Sales Days’.

MARY:
Well, Hans. Just doing a few sums in my head and I think I’m right in saying. That with the margin, the co-op funding, the fulfilment fees, and the fines; that BabyMaker Makeup will owe you money.

HANS:
Certainly.

MARY:
So, why should I sell through Marks & Amazon?

HANS:
There is no option! None!

MARY:
I can sell through my own web store, through other high street stores…and…

HANS:
High Street? What High Street? The High Street will be gone at the end of our Five-Year Plan. Nothing left but charity shops and coffee chains.

MARY:
You can’t say that!

HANS:
But I can Mary. See!

THE START UP: MARKS & AMAZON
END OF PART 1

S/FX: THE STARTUP THEME TUNE

TONY:
Part 2 of the Startup later!

[SOTTO VOCE] I shall write Sharon a poem.

CREATIVE RITUALS

TONY:
Creative Rituals!

JIM:
In season 2 we’re highlighting a book called ‘Daily Rituals’ by Mason Currey. It’s full of short essays about the rituals creative people have used in their lives.

Stephen King. Writes every day including his birthday and holidays. He rarely let’s himself stop before he’s reached his daily quota of two thousand words.

He’ll start to write around 8am and will work through till 1:30pm. Then he has his afternoons and evenings free for naps, reading, family and watching baseball.

That’s quite disciplined. Are you or can you be so disciplined?

The Takeaway
Stephen King says about this routine ‘…[it] exists in order to habituate yourself, to make yourself ready to dream just as you make yourself ready to sleep, by…creating a ritual.

S/FX: COMING UP JINGLE/MUSIC

COMING UP

TONY:
Coming up!

• Interview Countdown
• Challenge Jim, Mr b will issue him a challenge
• And List of the week

Sponsored by Conversion Detectives, the really creative digital marketing agency. Search Conversion Detectives.

RIFF 4

S/FX: ORGAN MUSIC

JIM:
Who are you?

MR B:
Excuse us. We were looking for the Aquitaine.

JIM:
Does he look medieval? He’s wearing a double-breasted suit and a waistcoat Mr b!

SHERLOCK:
Your majesty. Gentlemen. May I introduce myself? Holmes. Sherlock Holmes. You were expecting me.

JIM:
Well, no.

MR B:
No.

ELEANOR:
Non.

S/FX: NIGEL CHIRPS

SHERLOCK:
Of course you were.

JIM:
Still.

MR B:
No.

ELEANOR:
Toujours pas.

S/FX: NIGEL CHIRPS

SHERLOCK:
I’ve brought you here today. Wait. No. I didn’t bring you. Odd. How odd. Very well gentlemen I’m sure Doctor Watson will come up with an enchanting title for this case. ‘The Case of the Missing Member of the Japanese Royal Family and The House of Fear’ perhaps?

JIM:
What?

MR B:
WHAT?

ELEANOR:
Merde.

SHERLOCK:
We have little time. The kidnapper’s intentions are unclear. The note states that when the clock strikes twelve the princess will be [TWO BEATS] no more. Will you help me gentlemen, your majesty, erm large furry mammal?

JIM:
Erm.

MR B:
Does it involve kneeling? My knees you know. Have you any fish oil?

ELEANOR:
Of course. So will the Mot Homme and petits pieds. Nigel! Down!

SHERLOCK:
Princess Yamaha…

JIM:
Yamaha?

MR B:
Yamaha? As in a Yamaha BBPH base guitar?

JIM:
Yamaha? As in a MT-10 SP ‘Speed of Darkness’ motorbike?’

SHERLOCK:
Those are words. Definitely words. I don’t know what they mean but they are words. As I was saying, we have less than one hour to find Princess Yamaha. Doctor Watson and I has been looking all evening…

ELEANOR:
He’s dead.

SHERLOCK:
Nonsense.

MR B:
Well-built chap, bowler hat, in a tweed suit?

SHERLOCK:
Correct.

JIM:
He’s dead.

ELEANOR:
Nigel fetch.

S/FX: SCAMPERING OF FEET ON A TILED FLOOR.

S/FX: A SQUEAKY WHEEL ROTATING

MR B:
Thank you, Nigel. See him in the wheelbarrow Sherlock? Very sorry. He’s dead.

SHERLOCK:
He’s not dead. He was waylaid by a bottle of 12-year old Lagavulin malt whisky.

JIM:
What? Hit over the head?

SHERLOCK:
No. He drank it. Doctor can you hear me?

WATSON:
[GROANS]

SHERLOCK:
I see. A good point.

WATSON:
[GROANS]

SHERLOCK:
Very well doctor. I understand.

ELEANOR:
Mot Homme? How did he know I am a queen?

MR B:
Could be the crown you’re wearing.

ELEANOR:
But this is my most modest crown. I use it only for going to the shops.

MR B:
I think it’s the baubles made of pearls, along with the glittering of the sapphires and diamonds that gave it away.

JIM:
Along with the very large ruby in the middle.

SHERLOCK:
We have little time, erm…gentlemen and your majesty. When the clock strikes twelve, we will have lost Princess Yamaha.

ELEANOR:
I see.

JIM:
Mr b! We could look up the Princesses’ social feed and see if there are any clues on TikTok or a Facebook page.

SHERLOCK:
Social feeds?

MR B:
I could do that Mr Jim. I mean cMac has a rather neat search engine but…

S/FX: SOUND OF DR WATSON GROANING

JIM:
But what Mr b? What could possibly stop you from investigating via the Internet?

MR B:
I estimate we are currently in England, the year being something like 1887 or even 1889.

S/FX: FURIOUS TYPING

JIM:
Right. Right. Well, it was worth a go…

MR B:
What were you typing?

JIM:
I was searching. True crime in the Victorian era.

ELEANOR:
And?

MR B:
Anything interesting?

JIM:
No. We’re in the Victorian era. [PANICKING] AREN’T WE EH? [TWO BEATS] We should get back to the podcast.

S/FX: THUD AND A SHRILL SCREAM

TONY:
Can our two amateur podcasters save Princess Yamaha? Where is the princess? Who could have committed such a dastardly act? Just how many crowns does Queen Eleanor possess?

Listen to Jelly Trumpet Episode 7, Part II to find out.

S/FX: TUMBLEWEED BEING BLOWN ACROSS A DESERT LANDSCAPE

END OF PART I

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