Jelly Trumpet – The Search for the most wonderful celebrity
Welcome to our sample guest script for Mark Gatiss on Jelly Trumpet. Just a bit of fun which we hope will lead to Mark guesting on ‘the world’s only comedy podcast about creativity.’
Thank you for reading!

S/FX: BONGOS BEING PLAYED
QUEEN ELEANOR OF AQUITAINE:
Arrête ça Nigel.
S/FX: DOOR BELL RINGING
JIM:
What was that strange sound?
MR B:
[VERY TETCHY] The doorbell Jim. [RESIGNED] I’ll get it.
S/FX: CREAKY DOOR OPENING
MR B:
Look Jim. It’s Mark Gatiss, writer, actor and acrobat.
JIM:
Are you sure Mr b?
MR B:
Well, not the acrobat part.
MARK:
Certainly not. Why am I here?
JIM:
Well, we thought you’d like to apply to our ‘most wonderful celebrity spot on Jelly Trumpet.
MR B:
Listen to this!
S/FX: THUNDER AND A PIERCING SCREAM
JIM:
What the hell was that for Mr b?!
MR B:
I thought it would make Mark feel more at home.
MARK:
What?
MR B:
You know, something dark, something scary. Make Mark feel more at home.
QUEEN ELEANOR OF AQUITAINE:
[ TO MR B] Ta corbeille de fruits!
MARK:
You fruit basket?
MR B:
[OFFENDED]A term of affection I can assure you!
JIM:
Sometimes her majesty calls Mr b, petits pieds.
MARK:
They are very small feet…as if they have met with misfortune in some light hearted fairy tale.
MR B:
Yes. I’m always losing my socks.
JIM:
Found one of his shoes in my pocket the other day.
MARK:
I see. Gentlemen, my lady, let us begin.
JIM:
Exactly Mr Mark. Now, we’d like you to be very funny and tell the world you love Jelly Trumpet.
MR B:
Share the goodness and we’ll appoint you Jelly Trumpet ambassador to the stars.
JIM:
Very well Mr b. Let’s get on.
S/FX: CLUNK, CLUNK, CLICK AND A WHOSH OF STEAM
MR B:
Ready. FOR ALL MANKIND!
[CONT…]
MARK:
Curious. A squirrel the size of a St Bernard? Holding Bongos?
JIM:
Nigel is our resident bongo player and is a giant squirrel O’, and this is Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine from 12th century France.
QUEEN ELEANOR:
Monsieur..
MARK:
What exactly is this madhouse?
TONY (VOICE OVER GUY):
Not a madhouse Mark. This is Jelly Trumpet.
INTERVIEW COUNTDOWN STARTS
MR B:
Well Jim, was Mark the most wonderful celebrity?
JIM:
Close.