Podcast Guest – Mark Gatiss

Jelly Trumpet – The Search for the most wonderful celebrity

Welcome to our sample guest script for Mark Gatiss on Jelly Trumpet. Just a bit of fun which we hope will lead to Mark guesting on ‘the world’s only comedy podcast about creativity.’

Thank you for reading!

Podcast Guest Mark Gatiss

S/FX: BONGOS BEING PLAYED

QUEEN ELEANOR OF AQUITAINE:
Arrête ça Nigel.

S/FX: DOOR BELL RINGING

JIM:
What was that strange sound?

MR B:
[VERY TETCHY] The doorbell Jim. [RESIGNED] I’ll get it.

S/FX: CREAKY DOOR OPENING

MR B:
Look Jim. It’s Mark Gatiss, writer, actor and acrobat.

JIM:
Are you sure Mr b?

MR B:
Well, not the acrobat part.

MARK:
Certainly not. Why am I here?

JIM:
Well, we thought you’d like to apply to our ‘most wonderful celebrity spot on Jelly Trumpet.

MR B:
Listen to this!

S/FX: THUNDER AND A PIERCING SCREAM

JIM:
What the hell was that for Mr b?!

MR B:
I thought it would make Mark feel more at home.

MARK:
What?

MR B:
You know, something dark, something scary. Make Mark feel more at home.

QUEEN ELEANOR OF AQUITAINE:
[ TO MR B] Ta corbeille de fruits!

MARK:
You fruit basket?

MR B:
[OFFENDED]A term of affection I can assure you!

JIM:
Sometimes her majesty calls Mr b, petits pieds.

MARK:
They are very small feet…as if they have met with misfortune in some light hearted fairy tale.

MR B:
Yes. I’m always losing my socks.

JIM:
Found one of his shoes in my pocket the other day.

MARK:
I see. Gentlemen, my lady, let us begin.

JIM:
Exactly Mr Mark. Now, we’d like you to be very funny and tell the world you love Jelly Trumpet.

MR B:
Share the goodness and we’ll appoint you Jelly Trumpet ambassador to the stars.

JIM:
Very well Mr b. Let’s get on.

S/FX:  CLUNK, CLUNK, CLICK AND A WHOSH OF STEAM

MR B:
Ready. FOR ALL MANKIND!

[CONT…]

MARK:
Curious. A squirrel the size of a St Bernard? Holding Bongos?

JIM:
Nigel is our resident bongo player and is a giant squirrel O’, and this is Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine from 12th century France.

QUEEN ELEANOR:
Monsieur..

MARK:
What exactly is this madhouse?

TONY (VOICE OVER GUY):
Not a madhouse Mark. This is Jelly Trumpet.

INTERVIEW COUNTDOWN STARTS

MR B:
Well Jim, was Mark the most wonderful celebrity?

JIM:
Close.

We’d love to have Mark on the show with or without this script. We only need half an hour of his time…promise!

Jim & Mr b

Jelly Trumpet