Jelly Trumpet – The Search for the most wonderful celebrity
Welcome to our sample guest script for Victoria Coren Mitchell on Jelly Trumpet. Just a bit of fun which we hope will lead to VIctoria guesting on ‘the world’s only comedy podcast about creativity.’
Thank you for reading!
S/FX: BONGOS BEING PLAYED
QUEEN ELEANOR OF AQUITAINE:
Arrête ça Nigel.
S/FX: DOOR BELL RINGING
JIM:
What was that strange sound?
MR B:
[VERY TETCHY] The doorbell Jim. [RESIGNED] I’ll get it.
S/FX: CREAKY DOOR OPENING
MR B [cont.]:
Look Jim. Victoria Coren Mitchell.
JIM:
Can’t be. The lady isn’t in a television.
MR B:
Good afternoon Victoria.
VICTORIA:
Good afternoon…Is that a giant squirrel?
JIM:
Yes, it is. That’s Nigel.
MR B:
Now Mr Jim?
JIM:
Not yet Mr b.
VICTORIA:
Who’s the lady with the crown?
JIM:
All in good time Victoria.
MR B:
Now?
QUEEN ELEANOR OF AQUITAINE:
Non mes petits pieds.
VICTORIA:
‘Little feet?’
MR B:
Yes my feet are rather small.
JIM:
He buys all his footwear from the Action Man store.
VICTORIA:
Nice desert boots Mr b.
MR B:
Thank you, Victoria.
JIM:
Enough prattle. We’re here to do a show.
VICTORIA:
Very well.
JIM:
We’d like you to be very funny and tell the world you love Jelly Trumpet.
MR B:
Now Mr Jim?
JIM:
Very well Mr b.
S/FX: CLUNK, CLUNK, CLICK AND A WHOSH OF STEAM
MR B:
It lives!
VICTORIA:
What is that that massive clanking thing?
JIM:
Mr b has invented the first steam powered celebrity. Meet Greg Steam Davis. Nigel is our resident bongo playing giant squirrel And this is Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine from 12th century France.
QUEEN ELEANOR:
Madam.
VICTORIA:
What exactly is this madhouse?
TONY (VOICE OVER GUY):
Not a madhouse Victoria. This is Jelly Trumpet.
INTERVIEW COUNTDOWN STARTS
MR B:
Well Jim, was Victoria the most wonderful celebrity?
JIM:
Close.