Episode S02E10: REVERSE Part II

A wooden sign creaks in the wind. A shrill scream. Quite an opening for Episode 10.

The story takes a dark turn as we discover who is loose in the abandoned Victorian villa.

O’ no! There are several plot cliches in the podcast. Still, they are fun, who doesn’t like a cliché or two? O’! You don’t? OK. Give it a go, you are going to be surprised at how well this episode works.

The podcast is coming undone. Even with the help of the great Sherlock Holmes and the incapable (really) Dr Watson, Jim, Mr b and the Queen face a great evil.

Who is the evil genius behind the kidnapping of Princess Yamaha? Will the phrase ‘Bank Holiday Monday’ save them from a messy demise?

Dive in for silly, surreal and odd interludes, o’ and some great music from the house band ‘We Paint Houses.’

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Stuff We’ll Hear in this Episode:

  • The use of cMac (the ultimate gizmo) and its wet weather gear
  • Creaking floorboards
  • A rocking chair
  • Why the entire crew of the podcast is doomed?

In short, in this episode:

00:00 Interview Countdown
00:00 Challenge Jim
00:00 Tales from Jim’s Medicine Journal
00:00 Ways of Seeing Micro Sitcom: The Start Up, Mary ‘Marks & Amazon’ Part II

Plus
00:00 List of the Week

00:00 Ends

Interview Countdown

12 Questions in 12 Minutes, with Lou Wallace

We delve into Lou’s work as a drama teacher.

Plus:

Bonus Episode with Lou

We continue the conversation and explore more about Lou’s creative world.

Useful Stuff from This Episode:

Our guest:
Lou Wallace, drama teacher
Instagram: Lou Wallace

Thank you for reading and if you would like some more info or have some questions drop us a line, details on our Contact Us page.

Useful Stuff from This Episode:

Support Jelly Trumpet on Patreon:
[Exclusive stuff from Jelly Trumpet]

Our Sponsor:
Conversion Detectives

The Band:
We Paint Houses

What can you make today?


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About Jelly Trumpet
We’re a podcast all about creativity. Every episode is aimed at stimulating your imagination and making you laugh with silly, surreal bits & bobs.

Sign up to the newsletter for sporadic creativity tips you can use every day, o’ and some rather silly jokes.

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Sponsored by Conversion Detectives, the creative digital marketing agency


Read the Script

Season 2 Episode 10 – Reverse Part II

TONY:
Jelly Trumpet Season 2, Episode 10, Part II.

S/FX: JELLY TRUMPET THEME FADES INTO

S/FX: SLOW CHURCH ORGAN MUSIC THAT FADES INTO:

S/FX: A WOODEN SIGN CREAKING GENTLY IN THE WIND

S/FX: THUD AND A SHRILL SCREAM

JIM.
See! That’s going to happen more and more.

S/FX: THUD AND A SHRILL SCREAM

JIM:
[CONT.] Told you. There are probably secret rooms and a lunatic roaming…

S/FX: DISTANT MANIC LAUGHTER

JIM:
[CONT.] …around this dark gothic maze armed with a stabby stabby thing!

ELEANOR:
A knife?

JIM:
No thank you. They’re dangerous. [PANIC] I’VE SEEN MOVIES!

ELEANOR:
Doucement garçon courageux.

MR B:
But we have the queen, cMac, Nigel, Mr Sherlock and a drunk doctor in a wheelbarrow.

JIM:
What good is a drunk doctor in a wheelbarrow?

MR B:
A decoy?

ELEANOR:
Assez de bêtises! Mr Sherlock. What are we going to do?

SHERLOCK:
We split up and search the house and grounds of course.

ELEANOR:
Have you any idea who could have taken Princess Yamaha or why?

SHERLOCK:
A good question.

MR B:
[WHISPERING] I think he’s sneering at us.

JIM:
[WHISPERING] Quite rightly.

ELEANOR:
A devil?

SHERLOCK:
No. Not a devil your majesty. Dr Watson and I came to this isolated place to investigate a London criminal. A vicious criminal mastermind, a creature of the night, half man, half property developer, obsessed with fish and smoking herbs. Known as…[HE GULPS]

ELEANOR:
Known as?

SHERLOCK:
Known as [TWO BEATS] ‘the Dark Kipper.’

JIM:
It’s getting silly now. Mr b, I assure you I didn’t write anything about kippers. Get cMac to…

MR B:
…to run Interview Countdown.

S/FX: BUTTON BEING PUSHED

S/FX: INTERVIEW COUNTDOWN THEME TUNE

INTERVIEW COUNTDOWN

TONY:
Interview Countdown!

Welcome to Xxxxx.

Xxxxx is…

JIM:
Thank you Xxxx Xxxxxx. If you would like to know more about Xxxxx and his / her work you can find him / her at XXXxxxx. Contact details are also on the Jelly Trumpet website.

RIFF 5

S/FX: ORGAN MUSIC

S/FX: DR WATSON GROANS

SHERLOCK:
They have no need to know that doctor.

S/FX: DR WATSON GROANS

MR B:
No need for us to know what?

S/FX: A CHURCH BELL RINGS IN THE DISTANCE

JIM:
That’s the quarter hour.

MR B:
Forty-five minutes to Yamaha.

JIM:
[READING] Hang on! I didn’t write this either…

MR B:
I’ve told you. Strange things happen in true crime podcasts.

JIM:
I must listen to some.

SHERLOCK:
Enough! Your machine and, er…the squirrel can search the grounds for the princess…

JIM:
Wait! That’s what ‘The Dark Kipper’ will want us to do…We…

ELEANOR:
Yes Mot Homme?

S/FX: SOUND OF A LONG NOTE ON AN OBOE

JIM:
NIGEL! That’s what usually happens in dark houses when looking for jewels or an heiress, or even a princess.

MR B:
Yes Mr Jim?

ELEANOR:
What should we do?

JIM:
Stay together. It always happens. It’s like Scooby-Do and the kids splitting up. We have to fight the conventions of crime along with the crime itself.

MR B:
What other conventions Jim?

JIM:
Well, there’s the one with the hidden adversary and the blow-pipe shooting a dart from a specially adapted portrait painting hung over the mantlepiece.

S/FX: SOUND OF A DART LEAVING A BLOW-PIPE

SHERLOCK:
My…

S/FX: A BODY HITTING THE FLOOR

[THREE BEATS]

MR B:
Like that?

JIM:
Exactly like that.

ELEANOR:
He is a very long man.

JIM:
I have to think. Mr b…

MR B:
You think. I’ll keep Jelly Trumpet going with something we recorded earlier. Button being pushed…now!

S/FX: CHALLENGE JIM THEME

CHALLENGE JIM

TONY:
Challenge Jim!

S/FX: CHALLENGE JIM JINGLE/MUSIC

MR B:
Each episode we challenge Jim with a creative exercise.

JIM:
I’m ready.

MR B:
The challenge this episode Mr Jim is… to take a well-known fairy tale and tell it in reverse.

JIM:
How am I going to do th…

MR B:
We’re off!

[MR B THROWS IN DIFFERENT IDEAS / DISTRACTIONS AND COUNTS JIM DOWN]

MR B:
Moving on.

TONY’S WORD OF THE EPISODE

TONY:
Tony’s Word of the Episode!

TONY:
Rural! Rural!

JIM:
Thank you, Tony. The definition of which is a place with no Wi-Fi signal.

MR B:
Are you sure Jim?

JIM:
Yes.

MR B:
We really should drop this item.

RIFF 6

S/FX: JELLY TRUMPET THEME SEGUES INTO ORGAN MUSIC

MR B:
Great. The world’s greatest dispensing detective is comatose and his helpmate is blind drunk.

JIM:
Consulting.

MR B:
Consulting?

JIM:
Sherlock Holmes is a consulting detective not a dispensing detective.

ELEANOR:
What did that to him?

JIM:
Well, it wasn’t a crisis of confidence.

MR B:
Are you sure?

JIM:
No I’m not sure. [MASSIVE SARCASM] Perhaps it was shyness. He collapsed with shyness didn’t he?

MR B:
Or perhaps it’s because of the dart in his neck?

ELEANOR:
O’ yes.

JIM:
OF COURSE IT’S THE DART IN HIS NECK! [COMPOSES HIMSELF] Where did it come from?

MR B:
Perhaps from that picture hanging over the mantlepiece. The portrait with the moving eyes?

JIM:
MOVING EYES! Let me have a closer look.

MR B:
We could have been watched. You know. Like Scooby and the gang in ‘What a Night for a Knight’.

JIM:
Those eyes are painted Mr b.

MR B:
My mistake. Though they look like they’re following you round the room.

JIM:
You’re right. Sign of a good painter that.

ELEANOR:
We must find the Princess. We only have twenty-eight minutes.

MR B:
Let’s take stock.

JIM:
Good idea.

[TWO BEATS]

MR B:
Are you taking stock Jim?

JIM:
Yes.

MR B:
How about taking stock out loud? Rather than the internal monologue you appear to be having.

JIM:
Right. So, we’ve arrived in a regular, non-true crime podcast at a dark gothic house. Sherlock Holmes is unconscious, Doctor Watson has passed out drunk, we have a large squirrel, one Queen of the Aquitaine and a converted coffee machine, that’s full of gizmos. There. Wait. How did you know I was having an internal monologue?

MR B:
Your lips moved but no sound. And?

JIM:
There’s something else? You said ‘take stock’ and I did.

ELEANOR:
We have to find the Princess before something unspeakable happens to her.

JIM:
Yamaha. ‘Craftsmanship and innovation in perfect harmony’. Right. We search the house. Top to bottom. We split…wait! We don’t split up. We stay together. We go upstairs and work our way down to the cellar.

MR B:
Perfect Mr Jim. We can’t leave Sherlock and the doctor here though?

JIM:
Quite right. Erm, well. Right! Well, let’s crack on.

ELEANOR:
Nigel! Mets Sherlock sur ton épaule and push the doctor’s wheelbarrow.

S/FX: A SQUIRREL CHIRPING

JIM:
That’s the strongest squirrel I’ve ever seen.

MR B:
We need more light.

JIM:
cMac?

MR B:
O’ yes. I fitted cMac with wet weather gear. After I fitted the 150 PSI fog horn, six-speed wipers and the multi-rotor drone I installed a 60,000 lumens searchlight. Best not look or listen to either of them if they go off. Cover your eyes, cover your ears.

JIM:
And the multi-rotor drone? Ears and eyes? I’m not an octopus. Perhaps close your eyes and cover your ears would be better?

MR B:
Right. Good point. You never know do you, I mean this podcast, well? All I have to do is shout ‘Bank Holiday Monday’ and cMac will enter wet weather mode.

ELEANOR:
The Princess needs us.

MR B:
We should have asked how old the princess is.

JIM:
And what she looks like.

S/FX: CREAKING FLOORBOARDS

ELEANOR:
SHHHHH! Let us go to the top of the house. Quietly…

S/FX: VERY SHORT BURST OF JELLY TRUMPET THEME

JIM:
[WHISPERING] I’ll have a heart attack with all these stairs.

MR B:
[WHISPERING] My knees… We should eat less cake. Does fish oil really work?

JIM:
[WHISPERING] And drink less wine. I hear it does.

ELEANOR:
Shhhhhh!

JIM:
[WHISPERING] I’m a bit scared.

MR B:
[WHISPERING] I’m scared too.

JIM:
[WHISPERING] Anything in particular? The gig economy perhaps, the death of the high street, government contracts for mates, the ending of Game of Thrones, charities with huge admin costs, hedge funds buying, stripping and selling on chain stores and putting people out of work?

MR B:
[WHISPERING] [VERY SARCASTIC] Thank you, Jim. I needed a sense of proportion at this time.

ELEANOR:
[WHISPERING] Did you hear that?

[THREE BEATS]

SF/X: A ROCKING CHAIR

MR B:
[WHISPERING] A rocking chair? The sound is coming from over there.

ELEANOR:
[WHISPERING] Nigel. Stay back.

JIM:
[WHISPERING] One…two…three!

S/FX: A DOOR BEING BROKEN OPEN

ELEANOR:
Au nom du Père! What is that?

MR B:
[SPEAKING INTO MIC] cMac! Run audio…

S/FX: A HEAVY DOOR BEING SLAMMED

TONY:
Tales from Jim’s Medicine Journal!

TALES FROM JIM’S MEDICINE JOURNAL

JIM:
Mindfulness. Have you ever come across that? You can study it in a group or get a book with a CD. It’s meditation. Something that has helped me and is in my ‘Medicine Journal’.

Mindfulness is not always what you think it is. It’s not just sitting still being aware of your breathing. No. You can use listening mindfulness. You sit and listen and become aware of the sounds around you.

You can take a walk with mindfulness. You listen too. But you feel everything. Where your clothes touch your body, what the ground feels like under your feet. What you see, what you smell.

Mindfulness in this regard is awareness of the present. Why is that important for a creative? I think you could be like me and have demons or doubts or painful memories. With mindfulness you become present. The distracting demons are let go and you, yes you are present to create.

The book I used was Mindfulness by Professor Mark Williams which comes with a CD. It takes a few days to go through each meditation. But well worth it. There’s even a super short three-minute meditation which is ideal if you are busy.

RIFF 7

[TWO BEATS]

JIM:
I’ve never seen anything like this.

MR B:
Why would anyone do this?

ELEANOR:
This is the work of a demon.

JIM:
No your majesty. A misguided and damaged person.

MR B:
We can never speak of this.

JIM:
No. We will never tell what we saw in this room in the ‘house of fear.’

S/FX: SQUIRREL CHIRPPING

ELEANOR:
The smell.

JIM:
A place of sadness.

MR B:
Sad.

ELEANOR:
What is it Nigel?

MR B:
What’s he pointing at?

JIM:
Is that cMac?

MR B:
Yes. cMac is going up that staircase to the attic.

JIM:
Well?

MR B:
We have to go too.

ELEANOR:
We must.

[TWO BEATS]

MR B:
I’ll go first.

JIM:
No. I’ll go first.

Mr B:
Very well.

ELEANOR:
Careful Jim.

JIM:
I will be.

MR B:
We’re behind you…

S/FX: CREAKING STAIRS

[TWO BEATS]

S/FX: FADE IN JELLY TRUMPET THEME, SOFT

TONY:
Now The Startup micro sitcom Part II. Mary is trying to get Marks & Amazon to sell her baby makeup brand. It’s not going well.

[SOTTO VOCE] It’s only a podcast you know.

S/FX: THE STARTUP THEME TUNE

THE START UP: MARKS & AMAZON
PART 2

S/FX: A CLICKER

MARY:
What is that? What is Beamo?

HANS:
We are only now just starting to brief our partners…

MARY:
Partners? In what? Crime?

HANS:
Business partners Mary. Business partners.

MARY:
I’ve had enough [MARY MAKES TO LEAVE].

HANS:
Our new delivery service, Beamo will directly beam all goods directly into the home. We will end late delivery. We will end wrong deliveries. We will end expensive returns. Our ‘Special Academy of Science’ will perfect Beamo and we will rule RETAIL!

MARY:
Well fuc…[CENSORING BEEP]

S/FX: MOBILE PHONE VIBRATING ON THE TABLE

MARY:
[CONT.] Excuse me my best friend is calling, ‘HM Revenue & Customs’ hello?

HANS:
Really? Well excuse us. We’ll talk later in the week…You know find you a proper deal…put aside the fines, the co-operative fund. Must be going! We’ll get back to you with a great deal!

S/FX: DOOR OPENING

HANS:
[CONT.] A really good one, you keep some monies, that kind of deal.

MARY:
Bev? My personal ‘HM Revenue & Customs!’ No, the meeting’s over. They made a deal [SHE LAUGHS SOFTLY].

THE START UP: MARKS & AMAZON
END

RIFF 8

S/FX: SOMEONE BREATHING HESITANTLY

JIM:
[WHISPERING] Nigel. Here. When I shout. Yes. When I shout you ram the wheelbarrow through the door? Good boy. One…two…three [SHOUTING] NOW!

S/FX: A CRASHING DOOR. A GRAMOPHONE STARTS TO PLAY A MUFFLED NURSERY RHYME

MR B:
What the?

JIM:
Princess Yamaha. Don’t move. Breath. Feel your belly expand. Good. That’s very good.

MR B:
What is she standing on?

JIM:
Don’t move!

S/FX: THE GRAMOPHONE PLAYS

ELEANOR:
Quelle?

MR B:
It’s some sort of booby trap. If the Princess takes even half a step, she’ll trip that wire. What is that? Nitroglycerine?

JIM:
If the princess moves forward, she’ll trip the wire and the nitroglycerine will fall. If she moves backwards…then she will fall through that hole!

MR B:
I bet it goes right down to the cellar.

JIM:
Yes Mr b. This is some sort of elaborate bobby trap.

ELEANOR:
Who would do such a thing?

MR B:
‘The Dark Kipper’.

ELEANOR:
Oui. ‘The Dark Kipper’.

JIM:
Right.

[THREE BEATS]

MR B:
So, you know what to do Jim?

[TWO BEATS]

JIM:
No.

S/FX: SOUND OF GRAMOPHONE GROWS LOUDER

MR B:
O’.

S/FX: A CLOCK CHIMES

ELEANOR:
We have five minutes.

JIM:
I’m going to…

MR B:
No Jim! Let me…

JIM:
No Mr b. It’s a trap. If only Sherlock was conscious.

MR B:
We could try and wake him.

JIM:
Yes. He’ll know. But how do we wake him?

MR B:
Let’s think. [TALKING INTO RADIO] cMac. Run audio.

S/FX: LIST OF THE WEEK JINGLE/MUSIC

LIST OF THE WEEK

TONY:
List of the week!

JIM:
This week. Things I do at 11 o’clock at night after some fizzy pop.

Number one: Eat a bag of salted crisps.
Number two: Wonder why I am not starring in a Game of Thrones spinoff.
Number three: Munch on a scotch egg with a salad cream dip.
Number four: Remind myself I can have bacon for breakfast.
Number five: Wonder what Cate Blanchett is really like.
Number six: Wonder if it’s too late to make a bacon sandwich?
Number seven: Start watching ‘Armageddon’ for the twelfth time.
Number eight: Consider switching to a good malt whisky.
Number nine: Pour myself the last glass of pop.
Number ten: Think what am I going to write tomorrow?
Number eleven: Wonder, again, if the world is being fought over on an invisible battlefield?

RIFF 9

S/FX: SHORT BURST OF CHURCH ORGAN

JIM:
If the princess moves off that pedestal, she’s a goner. [TO THE PRINCESS] We’re going to get you out princess Yamaha.

MR B:
We need to wake Sherlock!

S/FX: THE GRAMOPHONE STOPS PLAYING AND WE HEAR A NEEDLE SCRATCHING ON THE VINYL

JIM:
It’s too late.

MR B:
I’m going to get her!

JIM:
No b! No!!!

ELEANOR:
Mr b!!!

JIM:
It’s a trap!

MR B:
I’m coming princess!

JIM:
No!

S/FX: A CRASHING SOUND

S/FX: A MANICAL LAUGH

ELEANOR:
Where is Mr b?

JIM:
MR B!

MR B:
[SLIGHTLY DISTANT] I’m OK. I seem to have fallen through the floor, into a hidden room. It’s full of boxes. Boxes of…fish.

JIM:
We’ll get you out.

S/FX: CLOCK CHIMING

ELEANOR:
We only have seconds!

S/FX: A MANICAL LAUGH

DARK KIPPER:
[GERMANIC OF COURSE] The princess will fall and so will all of you!

MR B:
[DISTANT] What was that?

JIM:
Nigel! Here!

DARK KIPPER:
I hate your podcast. I hate the silly, silly, silly thing! It must end! Along with the princess. You are DOOMED!

MR B:
[DISTANT] What’d he say?

JIM:
Mr b! It’s Easter Monday! Late summer Monday. Erm! Boxing Day…

MR B:
Bank holiday Monday?

cMAC:
Initiating.

S/FX: SOUND OF WINDSCREEN WIPERS, SOUND OF ROTORS, FOG HORN GOES OFF.

JIM:
CLOSE YOUR EYES! COVER YOUR EARS!

DARK KIPPER:
MEIN EYES! MEIN EARS!

S/FX: A GUITAR RIFF

S/FX: OUTRO JINGLE

OUTRO

JIM:
Join us in further episodes and:

• Be more creative
• Pick up tips and tricks you can put into play instantly
• Try exercises to boost your imagination
• Listen to creative guests
• And a whole lot of what we can ‘fun’

Thank you for listening
If you have any questions or ideas for Jelly Trumpet
Email us jelly@jellytrumpet.com

RIFF 10

S/FX: JELLY TRUMPET THEME

MR B:
That was close Jim.

JIM:
Very close Mr b.

MR B:
You were epic.

JIM:
Couldn’t have done it without your multi-functional cMac in wet weather mode or the queen or Nigel.

MR B:
The way you leapt and bounced off Nigel.

ELEANOR:
Then walked across the ‘Dark Kipper’s back to safety. Almost élégant.

MR B:
I wonder what the ‘Dark Kipper’s motivation was?

JIM:
Difficult to say Mr b. There are a lot of dark kippers in this world, spoiling for the fun of spoiling, never understanding that hurting someone, anyone, is hurting someone’s child. Those that despise the different, the unusual, sad, so sad.

ELEANOR:
The princess was saved. That is the most important thing.

MR B:
Mr Jim. For the next episode could you write something less scary?

JIM:
Yes. Mr b. Danger doesn’t suit us.

MR B:
Cake does and kittens, o’ and Lagavulin malt whisky.

JIM:
I shall bear that in mind.

MR B:
What are we going to do with Sherlock and Doctor Watson?

JIM:
Not sure. Where are they now?

MR B:
They’re in the cupboard with JB.

JIM:
Why?

MR B:
We don’t need the podcast studio cluttered up with detectives and JB is a mite fractious as so few people visit his cupboard.

JIM:
I suppose we could drop Sherlock and Dr Watson off in old London town on the way to drop her majesty off in the Aquitaine.

MR B:
Setting the co-ordinates.

JIM:
Here’s to our next, gentler episode.

ELEANOR:
O’ I appear to have dropped something behind the settee. SPENNY!

S/FX; MUFFLED GASPS

JIM:
I fancy a coffee. Will Spen be OK?

MR B:
Yes. He’s magnificent you know.

JIM:
Yes. He is. Set podcast to stun Mr b.

MR B:
Aye, aye! [PROCLAIMING] FOR ALL MANKIND!

S/FX: WHOOSHING SOUND AS THE PODCAST TAKES OFF

IDENT

TONY:
That was Jelly Trumpet ‘Making you more creative’ with Jim Kinloch and Mr b.

Sponsored by Conversion Detectives, the creative content digital marketing agency. Search Conversion Detectives.

JIM:
Now here’s Mr b playing us Xxxxx by ‘We Paint Houses’ Find the band on FaceTube and Bandcamp.

MUSIC

‘We Paint Houses’ tune.

THANK YOU’S:

JIM:
Thank you for listening. Thank you for all those that encourage Jelly Trumpet. Thank you to Mr Tony for the voice work, thank you to Ms Claire – the voice of Queen Eleanor and Mary the entrepreneur and thank you to Mr b and Kel’. Stay fab.

S/FX: TUMBLEWEED BEING BLOWN ACROSS A DESERT LANDSCAPE

END OF PART II

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